mainstream tumblr feminism may have many glaring faults but it has bred an army of teenage girls who understand the common ways that misogyny is reinforced in society and who know that they’re better off loving their fellow woman than fighting with her and that’s actually pretty damn revolutionary
For my buddies who are struggling
I get a lot of questions about sexual desire, pleasure, and orgasm. I thought I’d try compiling them all and answering them all at once. [Disclaimer: I reference a lot of other articles in this post, and most of them talk about “women” and “female” like they’re the same thing, or like cis women are the only people reading the article. Sorry. I wish I could change the language, but the information is good so I still want you to have access to it.]
- What is an orgasm? What does it feel like? How will I know that I’ve had one? An orgasm is the cumulation of sexual pleasure and tension in the pelvic muscles that ends in a release of the tension. Every single orgasm, even for the same person, will feel different. This can be because of the person we’re with, the things we’re thinking about, how high or drunk or tired we are. Some will be mind-blowing, some will be no big deal. Read more here.
Please read this article about how to figure out if you’ve had an orgasm.
Learn about the body during a female orgasm.
- Why can’t I orgasm during penetration? Most vagina-owners cannot. Kind of a bummer, right? Especially since we’ve seen all of these movies and tv shows where there’s soft sexy bodies rubbing and thrusting and then WOW BOOM BAM KABLAM ORGASM MANIA. Not so in real life. Some people do orgasm vaginally, and that’s awesome. But if it doesn’t happen for you, no stress. It’s something you and your partner (or your vibrator) can work on, and if it doesn’t happen, that’s fine, since there are tons of other ways to orgasm. A combination of clitoral and vaginal stimulation works the best for most people. That can be fingers on the clitoris plus penis in the vagina or vibrator in the vagina plus mouth on the clitoris or dildo in the vagina plus vibrator on the clitoris - the possibilities are endless.
Try these techniques.
- What is “squirting” or “female ejaculation”? Why can’t I do it? Squirting is the term for what happens during orgasm when people with vaginas release clear, non-odorous, non-urine fluid from the body. It can happen at the height of the orgasm or before. The Skene’s Glands open up either to tiny holes around the urethra (where pee comes out) or into the urethra itself. That is often why it may feel like peeing during Squirting. You can stimulate the Skene’s glands by inserting one or more fingers into the vagina with your palm facing the ceiling and stroking gently at 11 and 1 o’clock, if you imagine the opening of the vagina to be a clock.
Read more here.
7 Ways to know if you’re peeing or squirting.
- Why am I so dry during sex? Is it normal to be dry during sex? Vaginal lubrication during sex comes from stimulation and arousal. If you’re not aroused, it is easy to be dry, which can lead to discomfort during penetration. One suggestion is to get yourself more aroused before penetration either by orgasm through vibrator, oral sex, fingering etc before penetration, or by watching porn or reading erotic fiction. You can also continue to use a vibrator during sex to help you continue to remain aroused. Use lube. Use lots and lots of lube. There are always times when you’re not at 100% aroused but you still want to have sex, or maybe you’re aroused but you still want to be good to your vagina - use lube. Lube is great, and it helps you to protect the fragile tissue that makes up the vagina. I labored for years under the false assumption that having to use lube meant I wasn’t a good enough woman, or that I wasn’t a good enough vagina, or something. I don’t know. It meant I wasn’t good enough. But then I realized how absolutely absurd that is! Lube is fun, it’s sexy, it’s comfortable. Use it all you like, no matter the situation. People love to feel wet and to feel that their partner is wet. But what if that’s not a problem? I’m 100% aroused and I still dry out really quickly during sex? Then maybe it’s time to check in with your provider. There could be a few things going on, and one of them is that when people have vaginal infections like yeast infections or Bacterial Vaginosis, sex can be quite painful for them. See if that’s going on, and whether it is or not, you can get more information about your body from your provider.
- Should sex be painful? No. No no no no no. Sex should not be painful, unless you’re in a consensual BDSM relationship in which that is part of your sex play. If it is painful (the first time or following times), stop. You can say to your partner, “Wait, this is really uncomfortable right now. I really want to have sex with you, so let’s do something to make this more comfortable. How do you feel about going down on me/using a vibrator with me/talking dirty/role play/etc?” Most of the time, your partner will be just as into it as you, since it is really sexy to make your partner feel good. If your partner isn’t interested, you can either continue the conversation or say, “Ok, that’s fine. I think I’m going to wait to have sex with you though, until it’s more comfortable for me. Let’s try this again tomorrow.” Or whatever is comfortable to you to say in that situation.
More about consent.
Consent is sexy.
Demystifying Painful Intercourse
Help for guys who don’t want to have painful sex.
So let’s go over the things we’ve learned here.
- Orgasms are different for everyone. They take practice, relaxation, and fun.
- Use lube. Use it all the time. Buy it in bulk.
- Squirting is fun, it can happen for most people with practice.
- Try not to get frustrated when things don’t work out right away in your sex life. Give it time, open yourself up to pleasure.
- Sex should not be painful.
- Consent is sexy.
Ok friends, good forth and have fun, sexy, consensual sex!